Be the Rose of Love

 

How is a woman like a rose?

 And is it possible to be more beautiful as life unfolds? 

 

And how can you know even greater love than you imagined possible, everywhere in your life?

 

I’d like to tell you about the biggest mistake I’ve made inlove throughout my life. 

 

I’m not proud of it, but I am proud that I’ve discovered it,and spent the last two years really excavating it.

 

The mistake?

 

I’ll get to it a little further down.

 

There’s a quote from the stage play The King and I, whereYul Brenner declares in that ineffable accent, “My dear, the blossom should notgo from bee, to bee, to bee.”

 

He is giving us a valuable instruction in love.

 

As women, when we don’t feel loved, we struggle with thedeepest pain imaginable.

 

We need to feel loved the way we need the air webreathe.  To FEEL loved.  Not just to tell ourselves, Well, Iknow he loves me.  It might be yourfather, your lover, your son, your daughter.  It is never enough to just tell yourself, well, I know thatlove is there underneath it all.

 

No.

 

We need to feel that love.

 

And what do we do when we don’t get it?

 

We strategize, of course.  We strategize ways of getting that love.

 

First, we might become extra loving toward that person wewant the love from.  We show themhow it’s done.

 

Then, when that doesn’t work, we withdraw and withhold ourlove.  We decide we won’t give loveuntil it’s given to us first.

 

And if that doesn’t work, we start the Big Talks.

Usually, by the time we get to those Big Talks, we are soragged and torn up inside, and angry, and hurt, that instead of actuallytalking, we just vent our emotions.

 

And love evades us still.

 

So we AMPLIFY our emotions as though they weren’t loudenough to begin with.  As though weare talking to a deaf person.  Andthen we tell them exactly how we want them to respond to us, as if we handedthem a script and said, read here.

 

I’ve done it. Does it sound familiar to you?

 

Do we really think that anger and making demands will get usthe love we want?

 

The people (often men) we are talking to usually respond bywithdrawing even further, and not meeting our deep need for love.  And inside, we don’t feel beautifulanymore.

 

That’s the biggest pain to bear in the midst of not feelingloved.  That the strategies we useto get love make us feel less than beautiful.  We might end up feeling ugly, frustrated, and even morehurt.

 

In my life, I saw the cycle happen over and over.  How I pushed love away.  And a few years ago, I sat inmeditation with a red rose in a workshop for an entire day.  An entire day of looking at aflower?  Yes.  By the end of the day, I wasweeping.  I knew what I had donewrong.

 

A woman is a rose.

 

You are a rose.

 

We are the blossom of love.  Our petals are the unfolding of God’s love in theworld.  Through our hearts, love shines,and the perfume of love invites others to come near and behold our beauty.

 

Wouldn’t you like everyone to see how beautiful you are?

 

The blossom should not go from bee, to bee, to bee.

 

Can you imagine a rose, indignant, frustrated, screaming atsomeone to get the love it wants? Can you see that beautiful flower bribing another person with gifts andaffection and kind words to get its needs met?  Can you see that rose demanding love?

 

The rose IS love.

 

You ARE the love.

 

For years, I was the pursuer in all my relationships.  I was not the blossom, but thebee.  I thought if I could do more,be more, and give more, I would get the love I wanted.  I left no room for anyone to loveme. 

 

Giving can be the perfect defense against receiving. 

 

And the people in your life can FEEL when you are givingfrom a needy place, and they are not inspired to give in return.  The whole thing backfires.  Ouch.

 

So how do you get the love you want?

 

By being the love you want to receive.

 

Does the rose become attached to its perfume?  Or is the rose perfectly generous withits perfume to everyone all the time?

 

The rose sits deeply in herself, and offers her love fromher authentic giving place.

 

The rose does not make demands.

 

The rose does not lose her temper.

 

The rose does not argue to get what she wants.

 

The rose does not blame.

 

The rose does not push.

 

The rose does not convince anyone of anything.

 

But doesn’t she?

 

Is she not the most convincing of flowers?

 

When you walk by a beautiful rose, are you not immediatelyconvinced of her beauty?  So muchso, that you cannot resist her? Does she not allure you with her perfume?  Does she not call you to be swooned by her luscious petals,her depth of color?

 

How could you not love the rose?

 

If you, as a woman, practice being the rose, you will findthat everyone loves you.  Thatperfect strangers give up their place in line for you.  That your dentist calls you personallythe day after your visit to make sure you are well.  That people all over your life write you letters to tell youhow much your presence means to them. 

 

I just described to you my week last week. 

 

But am I special? Different?  Extra beautiful?

 

No, I am just like you.  Your presence is enough.

 

Your presence. The presence of love in you.

 

That’s the secret of the rose.

 

Her PRESENCE of love is enough. 

 

What if you never had to reach for love again?

 

What if you never had to grab, to push, to convince, tocontrol?

 

What if the man in your life, your children, and your bossjust bent over backwards to make your life more wonderful?

 

I don’t know, Kaia. That sounds like a lot of WORK.

 

But how effortless is the rose?

 

Does she wake up in the morning and say, “Oh God, I have toblossom today.  You know how muchenergy this takes?  I’m exhaustedjust thinking about it.”

 

No way!

 

The rose unfolds in the glory of love.  And her love is effortless.  Her perfume is effortless. Her attraction is effortless.

 

For that is her secret.

 

The rose attracts.

 

That is your new secret.

 

You can attract all the love you want, and more,effortlessly.

Just be the love you want to receive.

 

Offer your smile to everyone.  Wish the bored security guard a beautiful day.  Compliment the exhausted soul baggingyour groceries.   Wave at thechildren in the crosswalk.

 

And you know what? You can still have all your feelings and be that presence of love.

 

If someone treats you badly, you can let them know in aloving way.  And if you need to,you can lovingly draw a boundary with someone who has hurt you.  And you can honor your dignity thatway, and invite others to honor you. 

 

In fact, through your love, you can show everyone in yourlife, that the only way to treat you is to esteem and honor you.

 

Dignity (n) 1. The quality or condition of being esteemed and honored.

 

The rose is a flower of great dignity and poise andself-respect.  And so are you.

 

Own your dignity.

 

I’ll say it again:

 

Own your dignity.

 

Our greatest fear is that we are not loved, not lovable.

 

Would you withhold your love and cause someone else to feelthat pain?

 

Yet we do it all the time.  We punish.

 

It’s just because we ourselves are suffering.

 

But you can love through the suffering.  You can know that God/Goddess/Universeis the source of all your loving.

 

Is the rose the author of her perfume?

 

Is she afraid she will run out?

 

The perfume is born through her in the nature of her being.

 

Your love is born through you in the nature of your being.

 

The love of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE is within your heart, rightnow, beating.  And it is availableto you.

 

And if someone isn’t attracted to your perfume, thankthem.  They were not meant to bethe person to love you.  If someonemakes a mockery of your perfume, thank them, and let your perfume attractsomeone else who truly appreciates you.

 

You will be tested many, many times.

 

You might even be tested this week.

 

To withhold.  Towithhold your love.

 

In those moments, I encourage you to take deep breaths intoyour heart, and picture the rose there. Maybe yours is pink, or red, or amber.  Close your eyes a second and see it.  What color is your rose?

 

Breathe deep breaths into the rose in your heart, and knowthat her love, your love, is effortless and available no matter how hard thecircumstance is before you.

 

Remember, there are no strangers here.

 

Everyone is your opportunity to practice being the rose thisweek, ok?

 

Because you deserve to feel loved every minute of your life.

 

Beauty be with you.

Kaia

 

 

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