In my last relationship, which was a number of years ago now, I secretly knew deep down that I loved him more than he loved me, and that if I left him I would fall apart, and he would just get the next woman to come along. 

While he seemed content with out relationship on the surface, every day he would make snide comments about me that he played off as jokes.  They hurt me, and when I would address this to him, he would deny it, saying he was just kidding.

The snide comments became him cheating on me.  Then lying about it.  On some level I knew, because I could feel him pulling away.

And my response was to love him more.

If I just love him more, he will love me back.  Isn’t spirituality about being loving?

I began to lavish him with more attention and time and energy.  I’m not even sure if he noticed.

Then I fought with him for the love I wanted.  I screamed and cried.  I whined and pleaded.  He never heard me.  My deepest fear was true:  He didn’t really care.

But that wasn’t about me.  It was that he was a narcissist.  He was only interested in himself. I just happened to take it personally.

Finally, I knew I had to leave him.  I didn’t want to AT ALL.  I wanted him to love me, and that’s all I wanted.  But I knew I couldn’t change him, and I came to really confront the fact that I was miserable with how he was treating me.

As I contemplated leaving, I thought: but that’s not a very loving thing to do.

But then it occurred to me one day when I was in the middle of my yoga practice that leaving him was THE most loving thing to do.  Because it would mean loving myself, the one person I was sacrificing in order to love HIM.  And as Tennessee Williams says, “There is a time for departure even if there’s no certain place to go.”

Those initial months without him were very hard on me, especially knowing he had another woman.  (I’m not sure there is a deeper emotional pain than someone you love cheating on you.)  But I got my hands in the garden, and I wrote every day, and I breathed deep breaths, and gradually, I found a very soulful life without the experience of every day waiting and pleading for someone else to love me.  It was relief!  I was free.

Alone, I faced my fear of being alone, and began to embrace God, and the earth, and my work.  I found very quickly that I wasn’t alone at all.  I was surrounded by the miracle of existence in each hour.  Beauty surrounded me.

And now, single and dating for several years, often hoping I have met the right man only to discover we are not a match, I again find myself leaning on the courage to love.

First it was the courage to love myself, which meant leaving someone abusive and unkind.

Now it is the courage to trust God, to open myself to loving someone else.  And loving them in a way that still honors me.  In a way that blesses both of us equally.

There was a book I read at the time of my breakup called Women Who Love Too Much, that got me on my feet, and taught me about loving myself, and not over-giving to someone else.  It helped me find my legs beneath me.  Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself was the never-ending mantra it gave me.

Now, in the week ahead here in America, we celebrate what might be one of the most painful and beautiful holidays for women –Valentines Day.  Inside our hearts we look at that day asking, Am I loved?  Am I REALLY loved?

And regardless of whether you feel loved by a significant other or not, I really encourage you to find the beauty of loving yourself, and of celebrating that you are worthy, right NOW, of feeling completely loved.  Period.  That anything less is not good enough for you.  Buy YOURSELF a box of chocolates and a lovely red rose.

Many of the women on my list who responded to my letter last week are caretakers.  I heard stories that would make you cry about women who have sacrificed their whole lives to care for an infirm husband, or a sick child, or even themselves as they suffer with cancer.

I want to acknowledge you this week, for all you do.  For the love you give.  For the tireless care that you offer everyone in your life, often without a thought for yourself.

I pray that you know love in your heart, and that this week, you see your own beauty reflected in the eyes of those around you.  And that you feel deeply, deeply loved.

And even if you think you are, you are NOT fat.

Beauty be with you.

Your friend,

Kaia 

Liked this entry?  Visit www.TheBeautyPromise.com 

In my last relationship, which was a number of years ago now, I secretly knew deep down that I loved him more than he loved me, and that if I left him I would fall apart, and he would just get the next woman to come along. I just adored this man. He was my everything. While he seemed content with out relationship on the surface, every day he would make snide comments about me that he played off as jokes. “Is that really how you are going to wear your hair?” They hurt me, and when I would address this to him, he would deny it, saying he was just kidding. The snide comments became him cheating on me. Then lying about it. On some level I knew, because I could feel him pulling away. And my response was to love him more. If I just love him more, he will love me back, he will come back to me. And Isn’t spirituality about being loving and forgiving? I began to lavish him with more attention and time and energy. I’m not even sure if he noticed. I agonized and strategized. Then I fought with him for the love I wanted. I screamed and cried. I whined and pleaded. He never heard me. My deepest fear was true: He didn’t really care. But that wasn’t about me. It was that he was a narcissist. He was only interested in himself. I just happened to take it personally. Finally, I knew I had to leave him. I didn’t want to AT ALL. I wanted him to love me, and that’s all I wanted. But I knew I couldn’t change him, and I came to really confront the fact that I was miserable with how he was treating me and he would NEVER change. As I contemplated leaving, I thought: but that’s not a very loving thing to do. But then it occurred to me one day when I was in the middle of my yoga practice that leaving him was THE most loving thing to do. Because it would mean loving myself, the one person I was sacrificing in order to love HIM. And as Tennessee Williams says, “There is a time for departure even if there’s no certain place to go.” Those initial months without him were very hard on me, especially knowing he had another woman. (I’m not sure there is a deeper emotional pain than someone you love cheating on you.) But I got my hands in the garden, and I wrote every day, and I breathed deep breaths, and gradually, I found a very soulful life without the experience of every day waiting and pleading for someone else to love me. It was relief! I was free. Alone, I faced my fear of being alone, and began to embrace God, and the earth, and my work. I found very quickly that I wasn’t alone at all. I was surrounded by the miracle of existence in each hour. Beauty surrounded me. And now, single and dating for several years, often hoping I have met the right man only to discover we are not a match, I again find myself leaning on the courage to love. First it was the courage to love myself, which meant leaving someone abusive and unkind. Now it is the courage to trust God, to open myself to loving someone else. And loving them in a way that still honors me. In a way that blesses both of us equally. This week I am holding the space for you to do the same. There was a book I read at the time of my breakup called Women Who Love Too Much, that got me on my feet, and taught me about loving myself, and not over-giving to someone else. It helped me find my legs beneath me. Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself was the never-ending mantra it gave me. Now, in the week ahead here in America, we celebrate what might be one of the most beautiful, or painful holidays for women –Valentines Day. Inside our hearts we look at that day asking, Am I loved? Am I REALLY loved? And regardless of whether you feel loved by a significant other or not, I really encourage you to find the beauty of loving yourself, and of celebrating that you are worthy, right NOW, of feeling completely loved. Period. That anything less is not good enough for you. Buy YOURSELF a box of chocolates and a lovely red rose if he doesn’t, ok? Many of the women who responded to my letter last week are caretakers. I heard stories that would make you cry about women who have sacrificed their whole lives to care for an infirm husband, or a sick child, or even themselves as they suffer with cancer. I want to acknowledge you this week, for all you do. For the love you give. For the tireless care that you offer everyone in your life, often without a thought or an hour for yourself. I pray that you know love in your heart, and that this week, you see your own beauty reflected in the eyes of those around you. And that you feel deeply, deeply loved. And even if you think you are, you are NOT fat. Beauty be with you. Your friend, Kaia Liked this entry? There’s more at www.TheBeautyPromise.com

How is a woman like a rose?

 And is it possible to be more beautiful as life unfolds? 

And how can you know even greater love than you imagined possible, everywhere in your life?

I’d like to tell you about the biggest mistake I’ve made inlove throughout my life. 

I’m not proud of it, but I am proud that I’ve discovered it,and spent the last two years really excavating it.

The mistake?

I’ll get to it a little further down.

There’s a quote from the stage play The King and I, whereYul Brenner declares in that ineffable accent, “My dear, the blossom should notgo from bee, to bee, to bee.”

He is giving us a valuable instruction in love.

As women, when we don’t feel loved, we struggle with thedeepest pain imaginable.

We need to feel loved the way we need the air webreathe.  To FEEL loved.  Not just to tell ourselves, Well, Iknow he loves me.  It might be yourfather, your lover, your son, your daughter.  It is never enough to just tell yourself, well, I know thatlove is there underneath it all.

No.

We need to feel that love.

And what do we do when we don’t get it?

We strategize, of course.  We strategize ways of getting that love.

First, we might become extra loving toward that person wewant the love from.  We show themhow it’s done.

Then, when that doesn’t work, we withdraw and withhold ourlove.  We decide we won’t give loveuntil it’s given to us first.

And if that doesn’t work, we start the Big Talks.

Usually, by the time we get to those Big Talks, we are soragged and torn up inside, and angry, and hurt, that instead of actuallytalking, we just vent our emotions.

And love evades us still.

So we AMPLIFY our emotions as though they weren’t loudenough to begin with.  As though weare talking to a deaf person.  Andthen we tell them exactly how we want them to respond to us, as if we handedthem a script and said, read here.

I’ve done it. Does it sound familiar to you?

Do we really think that anger and making demands will get usthe love we want?

The people (often men) we are talking to usually respond bywithdrawing even further, and not meeting our deep need for love.  And inside, we don’t feel beautifulanymore.

That’s the biggest pain to bear in the midst of not feelingloved.  That the strategies we useto get love make us feel less than beautiful.  We might end up feeling ugly, frustrated, and even morehurt.

In my life, I saw the cycle happen over and over.  How I pushed love away.  And a few years ago, I sat inmeditation with a red rose in a workshop for an entire day.  An entire day of looking at aflower?  Yes.  By the end of the day, I wasweeping.  I knew what I had donewrong.

A woman is a rose.

You are a rose.

We are the blossom of love.  Our petals are the unfolding of God’s love in theworld.  Through our hearts, love shines,and the perfume of love invites others to come near and behold our beauty.

Wouldn’t you like everyone to see how beautiful you are?

The blossom should not go from bee, to bee, to bee.

Can you imagine a rose, indignant, frustrated, screaming atsomeone to get the love it wants? Can you see that beautiful flower bribing another person with gifts andaffection and kind words to get its needs met?  Can you see that rose demanding love?

The rose IS love.

You ARE the love.

For years, I was the pursuer in all my relationships.  I was not the blossom, but thebee.  I thought if I could do more,be more, and give more, I would get the love I wanted.  I left no room for anyone to loveme. 

Giving can be the perfect defense against receiving. 

And the people in your life can FEEL when you are givingfrom a needy place, and they are not inspired to give in return.  The whole thing backfires.  Ouch.

So how do you get the love you want?

By being the love you want to receive.

Does the rose become attached to its perfume?  Or is the rose perfectly generous withits perfume to everyone all the time?

The rose sits deeply in herself, and offers her love fromher authentic giving place.

The rose does not make demands.

The rose does not lose her temper.

The rose does not argue to get what she wants.

The rose does not blame.

The rose does not push.

The rose does not convince anyone of anything.

But doesn’t she?

Is she not the most convincing of flowers?

When you walk by a beautiful rose, are you not immediatelyconvinced of her beauty?  So muchso, that you cannot resist her? Does she not allure you with her perfume?  Does she not call you to be swooned by her luscious petals,her depth of color?

How could you not love the rose?

If you, as a woman, practice being the rose, you will findthat everyone loves you.  Thatperfect strangers give up their place in line for you.  That your dentist calls you personallythe day after your visit to make sure you are well.  That people all over your life write you letters to tell youhow much your presence means to them. 

I just described to you my week last week. 

But am I special? Different?  Extra beautiful?

No, I am just like you.  Your presence is enough.

Your presence. The presence of love in you.

That’s the secret of the rose.

Her PRESENCE of love is enough. 

What if you never had to reach for love again?

What if you never had to grab, to push, to convince, tocontrol?

What if the man in your life, your children, and your bossjust bent over backwards to make your life more wonderful?

I don’t know, Kaia. That sounds like a lot of WORK.

But how effortless is the rose?

Does she wake up in the morning and say, “Oh God, I have toblossom today.  You know how muchenergy this takes?  I’m exhaustedjust thinking about it.”

No way!

The rose unfolds in the glory of love.  And her love is effortless.  Her perfume is effortless. Her attraction is effortless.

For that is her secret.

The rose attracts.

That is your new secret.

You can attract all the love you want, and more,effortlessly.

Just be the love you want to receive.

Offer your smile to everyone.  Wish the bored security guard a beautiful day.  Compliment the exhausted soul baggingyour groceries.   Wave at thechildren in the crosswalk.

And you know what? You can still have all your feelings and be that presence of love.

If someone treats you badly, you can let them know in aloving way.  And if you need to,you can lovingly draw a boundary with someone who has hurt you.  And you can honor your dignity thatway, and invite others to honor you. 

In fact, through your love, you can show everyone in yourlife, that the only way to treat you is to esteem and honor you.

Dignity (n) 1. The quality or condition of being esteemed and honored.

The rose is a flower of great dignity and poise andself-respect.  And so are you.

Own your dignity.

I’ll say it again:

Own your dignity.

Our greatest fear is that we are not loved, not lovable.

Would you withhold your love and cause someone else to feelthat pain?

Yet we do it all the time.  We punish.

It’s just because we ourselves are suffering.

But you can love through the suffering.  You can know that God/Goddess/Universeis the source of all your loving.

Is the rose the author of her perfume?

Is she afraid she will run out?

The perfume is born through her in the nature of her being.

Your love is born through you in the nature of your being.

The love of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE is within your heart, rightnow, beating.  And it is availableto you.

And if someone isn’t attracted to your perfume, thankthem.  They were not meant to bethe person to love you.  If someonemakes a mockery of your perfume, thank them, and let your perfume attractsomeone else who truly appreciates you.

You will be tested many, many times.

You might even be tested this week.

To withhold.  Towithhold your love.

In those moments, I encourage you to take deep breaths intoyour heart, and picture the rose there. Maybe yours is pink, or red, or amber.  Close your eyes a second and see it.  What color is your rose?

Breathe deep breaths into the rose in your heart, and knowthat her love, your love, is effortless and available no matter how hard thecircumstance is before you.

Remember, there are no strangers here.

Everyone is your opportunity to practice being the rose thisweek, ok?

Because you deserve to feel loved every minute of your life.

Beauty be with you.

Kaia

Well, I’m not too sure where 2007 went, but the holidays are already upon us.  Can you believe it?

The holidays are a time of the year, as you know, that bring up strong emotions.  There’s the joy and the excitement of seeing loved ones and celebrating, and there’s also the added stress.

Ram Das, an American spiritual teacher says, “If you think you are enlightened, just go spend a week with your family.”

There’s something about family time that can just trigger the most ridiculous things inside us.  And as women, we are complex and deep, so we feel things on a lot of levels.  Sometimes those feelings contradict each other.  Like you might be really excited to see your favorite Aunt Helen, but dreading seeing Uncle George who you know is going to pick on you for your career choices.

I want to take a moment to give you 3 tips that might come in handy for you during this next week of Thanksgiving.  You might not need them.  And you just might.  Either way, they are here to support you.

First, let’s talk about food.

Ah yes, the agonies and ecstasies of holiday food!

TIP #1 –

Let yourself off the perfection hook right now. 

Whether you are preparing the meal, or just enjoying it, we often go into Thanksgiving with plans of perfection.  The perfect turkey.  The perfect outfit.  The perfect decorations.  The perfect plan to not eat so much this year.

Well, perfection is a set-up for guilt.  Because if you plan for perfection, anything less just looks like ruin. 

But this is life!  Life is messy sometimes.  Perfection is a myth, and a very bad one.  So instead of perfection, plan to have fun.

Fun?  I really mean it.  Keep asking yourself, how can I make this fun?

Maybe you put on your favorite music while you are cooking.  Maybe you go for a walk while the turkey is in the oven.  Maybe you let an old Frank Sinatra movie play while you get dressed.

And when you sit down to eat.  Give yourself permission to genuinely enjoy your meal.

Now, here’s a little weight management tip.  Statistics show that when people eat together, they tend to eat about 20% more than they would if they were alone.  Part of that reason, is that it is rude to take plates away from the table while others are still eating.  So if you finish first, you are very tempted to keep eating, even if you aren’t hungry.

Ok, so the best thing to do here is EAT SLOWLY.  Really enjoy each bite of your food.  Two things to your benefit happen if you do this.  One, you will know when you are full before you’re stuffed.  Two, you will finish last, so you wont be tempted to pile another plate of food in front of you while others are still eating.

Also, plan an after meal walk.  Digestion is stimulated by walking.  You’ll be surprised how great you will feel if you just take a quick walk after dinner.  You can make it a family tradition.

TIP #2

Practice appreciation.

This is a really cool thing I’ve learned.  If you are worried about what others are going to think of you, or how they are going to judge you, take the focus off yourself by appreciating what’s going right.  It doesn’t matter if ten-thousand things are going wrong, if you focus on what’s right, you will feel secure and grounded in the midst of any chaos.

Relatives push our buttons.  That’s what they are designed to do.  Whenever I see my extended family, I’m always concerned what they might think of me, because I lead a very untraditional life here in California.  I don’t want to be judged just because I’m a little kooky.

So this year, I decided to focus on my nephews.  I have the coolest nephews in the world.  They are about eight and ten years old.  And I found them the coolest book ever, that we can all play with, (which you must run out an buy if you have boys), called The Dangerous Book for Boys.  It’s full of stuff like how to play stickball, and who the most famous pirates are, and facts about the solar system.

Suddenly I don’t care what the adults might think of me, because I have shifted my focus to what I can appreciate.

TIP# 3

Write a gratitude list.

There’s nothing better to put you in the right mood for this season, than to write a gratitude list.  Write it tonight, and stick it in your purse for the days ahead.

It’s really easy to get caught up in the stress of what there is to do, because it’s a lot!  But the reason we go to all this trouble, is for those we love.

Sometimes there’s a lot of obligation attached, and resentment.  If that comes up for you, just breathe, and allow those feelings to pass through you.  Then head for your purse and take out the list.

Emotions are powerful.  When we feel triggered, it’s really hard to remember what we are grateful for.  That’s why you make a list when you are having a good day, and you put it in your purse for when you need it.  I promise you, it will pull you through.

Lastly, I just invite you to create an intention for your holiday season this year.  What do you most want to create and experience?  Maybe there’s a quality you would like to invite into your heart at this time.

For me, my intention this holiday season is connection.  I want to feel connected to others, and spread the joy, whether it’s my family, or the kid bagging my groceries at the market.

Choose something that nurtures your heart.

Be gentle with yourself.  Be forgiving.  Let yourself off the hook, ok?

I want you to have a beautiful, relaxing, and peaceful holiday, full of love and happiness.  That is my wish for you.

So much love.

Your friend,

Kaia

www.TheBeautyPromise.com

So I was waiting in my gynecologist’s office last week, and I picked up a really dense yga book by author and yogi Ganga White, called Yoga Beyond Belief. And you know, I was really surprised and delighted to see an introduction by Sting.Sting is a long-time yogi of like 15 years, and what he wrote about in this quick little two page introduction has really stayed with me.He wrote about how he sings in the shower. Like, religiously, every morning. He loves to sing in the shower. He chants om, and does scales, and basically just gets off on hearing the fabulous echo in his shower. (Can you even imagine how fabulous his shower must be… I mean, even without Sting in it, it’s probably still a really cool shower.)So I said, ok, I’m going to sing in the shower as my new morning thing.I don’t tend to sing in the shower, because I’ve always had roommates and close neighbors, and so I didn’t want to bother them. Now I don’t care. I don’t live with anybody, and I love to sing! So I’m going to bother the whole neighborhood.And I’ve only been doing it a week, but let me tell you, it’s an incredible uplift to your day to really amp up your voice in the shower and sing, sing, sing!I highly recommend it.In my book, The Beauty Promise (www.TheBeautyPromise.com), in chapter 4, Spiritual Beauty, I take a section to speak about how singing really helps to open the heart and lift depression. It’s been important for me in my life because I tend toward sadness sometimes.So try it this week.Sing in the shower.After all, if Sting does, then we can ; )

Today in my meditation, the word grace came. Take a breath herejust to feel the beauty of that word.Grace.The two meanings in Websters that really resonated with me were1. effortless beauty2. Divine Love and protection bestowed freely on those in needLet’s look at the first definition.I don’t know about you, but I never thought beauty was effortless!Look at my bathroom counter and you’ll see products and lotions andcreams and emulsifiers, and toners and make-up and all the rest.I love my product. I look forward to it every morning.And until recently, secretly, I thought, I am nothing without allthat effort going into my beauty to be put together.But grace means effortless beauty.The sunsets here in California have been astounding on the coast thisweek.A couple days ago the whole sky turned pink with dolphins leaping inthe waves.Effortless beauty.Seems like all of nature is effortless beauty.Take a breath here.So are you.Your beauty is effortless. You beauty is an integral part of you.It’s not something you put on for the world, it’s who you AREshining through.It means you can relax into it. Be at ease. Grace.And the second part of the definition is about God’s love. Call itGod, Goddess, Universe, whatever word works for you.Grace means that the Universe is supporting you right now, no matterwhat you are going through.Grace means, no matter how dark things may seem at times, you arecarried by the love of the entire Universe.Grace means you are not alone.Grace means you can trust your Highest self to unfold all the answersfor you, even if you don’t think you have them in you now, you do.My mother, Shannon, and I often talk about the power of the oak tree,and the miracle of how that single acorn contains the whole tree.It’s all in there.It’s in you now.This hidden, unseen power to make it through anything with grace.So remember this week, that grace is with you, in you, surroundingyou each moment, with every breath.(And next week I promise to write something meaningful about howto survive your relatives on Thanksgiving. Ha!)Beauty be with you.Your friend,KaiaPS. If you haven’t checked out my book yet on the Beauty Promisewebsite, do me a favor and wait a week because the shopping cartisn’t working yet and I don’t want you to be disappointed.I’ll let you know when it’s working again.

Did you know your liver filters about 200 pints of your blood a day?Think about 200 pints of Ben and Jerry’s for a second…..wow.That’s 200 pints of blood going through your liver every 24 hours. But how does it relate to your beauty?In a big way.Have you ever had, or seen a fishtank?If you have had one, you know it comes with a little thing called a filter, which does the job of your liver for the tank, filtering out all the impurities in the water so you have a nice happy clean fish tank. But what happens when the filter gets full?That’s right. Muddy tank.The same thing can happen in a woman’s (or man’s) body. Living in today’s society, exposed to pollutants in traffic, non-organic food, and unfiltered water, our bodies get clogged.The symptoms of a clogged liver include allergies, foggy thinking, skin issues like rashes and acne, a fuzzy yellow or white coating on your tongue that also means bad breath, digestive issues, constipation. The list goes on. And the bad news is, your doctor can only catch an unhealhty liver once it is 80% gone. The good news is, that your liver is the organ in your body that can rebuild itself and heal completely. It’s why it’s called a live-r.So to help us have happy livers, nature invented cleansing!There’s all natural, very inexpensive herbs like milkthistle that cleanse the liver, and literally clean you out. In my yoga students I have seen allergies and sinus issues go away overnight, energy quadruple, and all kinds of digestive issues clear up, as well as skin and eyes looking glowing. It even can remove facial lines and dullness in the skin. Every year when I do the cleanse, I literally watch the lines in my forehead vanish in about 2 weeks.For your health and your beauty, you want to do a liver cleanse once a year, in the autumn or spring. I have experimented with all kinds of cleanses, and this is the one I feel is the most effective and easy and cheap www.naturessecret.com (prices on a liver cleanse range from about $20-$800) This one is a litle over $30. And it’s just tablets you take in the morning and evening, so no fuss with powders or tea.For detailed information on liver cleansing and related symptoms and diseases, as well as cures, I found this blog very helpful: http://www.sensiblehealth.com/Journey-01.xhtmlWhen you do a liver cleanse, it’s best to limit your exposure to substances that could damage your liver, since you are about to cleanse it. This means cut back on the stuff you ingest that you know is bad for your health. Limit alcohol, coffee, soda, sugar, and cut out all refined foods. All month, focus on whole foods, which means stuff you could recognize as food before you cook it, like fish, fruit, veggies, rice, eggs, etc.My friend Jack in New York was diagnosed with a failing liver last year in Queens, New York. He was looking at surgery, complications, and major health issues. He’s Irish, bless him, the man loves his Guinness. But it was taking a toll on his health.I said, Jack, I’m mailing you a liver cleanse. Do it for the month, and then go back and see the doctor. (We aded yogurt to his diet to help with his digestion). Well, he did the Ultimate Cleanse I suggested, which he purchased from www.NaturesSecret.com and a month later the doctor gave him a clean bill of health and said, whatever you are doing, keep doing it, your liver is fine.I don’t work for that company, by the way, and I don’t get anything from endorsing their products. I am just a woman who wanted to feel better in her body, did the cleanse, and was blown away by the results. I’m mentioning it tonight because I’m doing my anual cleanse right now.I talk about the results you can get from liver cleanses in my book, The Beauty Promise (www.TheBeautyPromise.com), as well as loads of other simple, healthy choices you can make that enhance your beauty without plastic surgery or dieting.If you have never done a liver cleanse, and are over the age of 20, I suggest doing one right away. Better to cleanse before symptoms appear, too. Plus, it’s like getting an organic, cheap face-lift. A liver cleanse will just wash decades off your face, and it also helps to lose weight because your digestion gets flowing so well.Go for it!Beauty be with you,Kaia

I just want to take a moment to acknowledge that beauty, while often related to the discussion of women, is a spiritual force that animates the world, from the symmetry of snowflakes, to the dappling of poppies across a grassy field. That force moves in us. The following is an excerpt from my book.People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within. – Elizabeth Kubler-RossAbout three thousand years ago, Goddess held a place of equal worship next to God. In most cultures around the world she was addressed in ritual and prayer as the Divine Mother, the Sacred Feminine. Around 400 A.D. she was written out of the world. Her temples were burned, her people persecuted, and her name erased from spiritual texts, even the Bible. (She once had a place in the book of Genesis where she was called Sofia, the mother of God.) Judaism is one of the only major religions left to have the Divine Mother at its core.There is a bit of confusion about Goddess and goddesses. Let me explain. The Goddess is the feminine face of God. She has many aspects. She is the compassionate bringer of life, like Mother Earth. She is sometimes fierce, sometimes peaceful, sometimes wild and sometimes loving. Because the Goddess has so many faces, goddesses came to represent her in her different aspects. In India this is very apparent where Parvati is the loving aspect of the Divine Mother, whereas Kali is the wild and unruly aspect.This is true of Mother Earth as well. Often she is tranquil, abundant, and generous, but sometimes she sends storms, and floods, earthquakes, and volcanoes.We are in a time where the Sacred Feminine, the faces of the Goddess, are returning. She is not far off, but right here in our heartbeats, our crops, the beautiful flowers, and the love in our children’s eyes. She is so near, that we have overlooked her. And now we are seeing how disrespect for the Earth as we worship a faraway God is endangering all of life, including our own. Yet if we use this pivotal time to create new ways, new practices of relating to the planet and her creatures as based in honor, love and respect, we will open into a golden new era for our own species and Gaia, the soul of the Earth.And so we have this beautiful opportunity to embrace both God and Goddess, as two aspects of the Divine Oneness, a oneness that is so supreme that no words can ever even describe it.We might say that God, or the Sacred Masculine, is that aspect of the Divine that is unchanging and eternal: the Great I AM of Moses. In Hinduism, this is known as Purusha, the eternal witness.The Goddess then, the Sacred Feminine, is that aspect of the Divine that is always changing, always in motion. In Hinduism, it is known as Prakriti, the eternal dance of energy.We have both within ourselves, just as both are within all of creation. We are both the unchanging I, the witness who is the same at age 10 as it is at age 87. And we are also the changing, evolving person.Spirituality is about relationship. It means being in relationship to a Higher Power, whether you call it Goddess or God or Universe or Divine Love, whether you be Christian, Muslim, Hindu, or Jew. Every path to Truth is valid. Every path of worship is beautiful and sacred. For some of us it means going to church every week. For others it means feeding the homeless. For others it means teaching yoga and meditating. For others it is dancing for joy or singing hymns or bhajans.When I talk about spirituality, what I mean is that you have an ongoing relationship with the Divine in a way that is personally meaningful to you.I was raised a Christian Scientist. When I was about fifteen I rejected the rigidity of the religion, in favor of finding my own path, but still celebrated the foundation I was given in the Bible and in spiritual healing. As I started asking new questions in my teens, I would often walk in the hills near my home and ask God out loud, “What are you? How can I know you?” These questions guided my life.In my late teens I discovered a radio program here in Los Angeles that comes on KPFK after midnight and plays old audio recordings of great teachers like Joseph Campbell, Alan Watts, and Ram Das. These talks opened my eyes to a whole new universe of possibility.Like the bee that visits many flowers and then goes and makes her own honey, so my spiritual path progressed. I have borrowed from every great tradition on earth, and found a path that works for me that has brought me into direct relationship with God and Goddess.This is an except from the book by Kaia Van Zandt The Beauty Promise, available atwww.TheBeautyPromise.comFor more on the Sacred Feminine visit www.KarenTate.comBeauty be with you,Kaia

My thoughts today have been resting on the nature of beauty itself, that precious and fleeting condition that we as women seek for every day of our lives. What is beauty? What is it exactly that we seek and reach for and practice and put on when we go through our beauty rituals and our closets? I want to unpack this one, but first….Let’s bust a beauty myth here, shall we?Often, we equate beauty and femininity with things that are soft, even fragile, supple, shiny or dare I say it: weak.When I say the word beauty in reference to women…. What comes to mind?For our society, it’s pink, floral, flowers, lovely substances like crystal and cashmere and even the accessories of beauty like nailpolish and shampoos.But like the title of this blog suggests, beauty can also be powerful. Beauty can be majestic and shocking and riveting. Do we not have a phrase in our language that goes, “devastatingly beautiful”? As if to say, beauty can also arrest the senses and immediately transport us into a realm of beatific shock.Personally, when I think of beauty, I often think of water. How to be beautiful, means to be like water.I know it’s a little out there, but let me explain.Water is the only substance we know of with its properties, including its paradoxical properties, and I don’t mean the scientific ones.What else is so supple and soft that you can barely cradle it in your palms without it slipping through, and then simultaneously, toss a lot of it into a riverbed and add some snowmelt and you have a serious force to contend with.The force of beauty.Beauty is a force in the Universe that enchants and bewilders and inspires us. It can be accompanied by awesome strength and power as in a supernova, even as it can be tender as a blossom.Beauty possesses both an attribute of gentleness, and an attribute of fierceness.Beauty is not weak.Consider the beauty of a tiger slinking through the jungle.Here’s your beauty prescription:When you next walk out of the house, put on the beauty of the tiger in your imagination. Become that fierce animal of beauty. That supple-bodied agile spirit of power and grace and presence.For more tips, visit www.TheBeautyPromise.comBeauty be with you,Kaia

Why do women hate their birthdays?I know not all women feel this way, but so many just cringe at the thought.Are we so caught up in the modern thought of aging as an alienating experience that we just reject a chance to celebrate?The Dalai Lama was asked what he felt would help resolve the issues in the Middle East. “More picnics,” he said, “More celebrations.”Happiness is celebrations, and in America, we have so few. In Tibet, there is a holiday almost once a week! There are hundreds of celebrations a year. And of course, peace follows naturally.What if the keys to aging gracefully were similar?In my book, The Beauty Promise, ( www.TheBeautyPromise.com ) I devoted a chapter section to aging gracefully, and one of my favorite quotes there is from Katherine Hepburn where, when she was asked how she has dealt with her aging, she replied, “I look in the mirror far less often, and simply stand further away.” Aging is meant to quell our vanity, our egos, dissolving it into a sense of selfless love for others, the community, the planet.A birthday is truly an opportunity to celebrate, to be grateful for life, to draw friends and family near and open our hearts to the beauty of a day where we are fed, alive, in peace, and surrounded by beauty.If you have a minute, check out my friend Karly’s blog here, where she speaks about how to release the tight corset of thoughts that we put around how we feel about our bodies, especially as we age: http://www.firstourselves.com/ She gives lots of great positive advice on opening our minds to a new way of living at peace with our bodies.Ideally, we live in an inner climate of love. If you bodymind is like a country, would you rather be Tibet or the USA? The US is constantly at war, creating an inner climate of fear, hostility, and insecurity. Tibet uses the opportunity to simply have more picnics, more celebrations, more joy.So, as I write you today, on my birthday, I make my birthday wish, and it is for you…. more picnics! More time for you to live in love, move in grace, and feel with an open heart the beauty of your birth.Your beauty presciption for today:Have a pinic in your livingroom, complete with candles and lovely wineglasses. Sit on the floor with a loved one and play this game: What I love about you is. Each person goes back and forth sharing until you feel complete.Beauty be with you,Kaia